2010

Hard to believe that it is here and already in full swing: 2010!



My little Myles turned 5 years old in January. We had a small family celebration and his big party with friends was at Cheer Mania. He was very excited, but it must be very confusing to have your actual birthday and then have to wait 11 days until your party! Still, facility schedule and out-of-town guests warranted a delay. This is going to be a very full year for Myles - turning 5, hopefully taking his first trip to Disneyworld and starting Kindergarten in the fall! I'm trying really hard not to think about the Kindergarten date too much. Both of my boys being in school all day is going to be quite an adjustment for me.

Kaleb has had a rough year in 2nd grade, but has learned a valuable lesson in life: when life hands you lemons (or a bad teacher), make lemonade (or deal with it). I've monitored the situation and while I still feel the school should evaluate their teachers mental structure a bit more, I do not feel he is any harm or he would have been removed. We've had to get a special retainer for K's teeth as the adult teeth aren't having room to come in since his mouth is so small. I am hopeful this will prevent braces down the road. This experience has been traumatic enough!

Norah continues to expand her vocabulary and her intensity. She is sweet and playful, but also has inherited the boys' stubbornness and determination to get her way. She has been sleeping through the night for over 7 months which is wonderful. Wish she could explain the concept to her brothers, who still sneak into our room every night - Kaleb on a floor pallet, Myles right beside me.



I decided not to set a long list of resolutions this year, but my one theme is to "step out of my comfort zone". I'd like to refocus my energy toward practical goals and talents I've been allowing to lay dormant for many years. I have started a savings plan for a family trip to Disney and I hope we will have enough saved up to visit by the fall of this year (of course the unexpected $1500 in vehicle repairs wiped my savings out, again - I can relate to the couple in Up always having to break into their piggy bank). As always, I continue to strive to be a better wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend and Christian. I am not without faults, so every day is a challenge.

Isn't it Great! Kaleb is 8!

8 years ago when I went to the hospital, I didn't know if I was having a boy or a girl, but was so ready to welcome little Kaleb or little Gabriella to the world. I was young and excited about the adventure that was soon to begin in my life. At that time, I had only a vague idea of what being a mother was all about. I was prepared for cuddles and diaper changes and the first year's milestones. I scoured literature on breastfeeding and self-soothing and developmental progress. I attended childbirth classes and nutritional seminars on children's needs. I organized a nursery and cleaned the house to perfection so that my little one could feel safe and secure in his/her environment. I thought I knew it all and was prepared for anything, until I held that precious baby boy in my arms on August 27, 2001. So tiny, so delicate and completely dependent on me for everything. I was overcome by a tide of love and warmth and ready to slaughter anyone who hurt or disappointed him in any way, shape or form. My bond was immediate, it was primal and it changed my entire outlook on life. Never again would I put my needs first, or the needs of any adult for that matter, for in my arms I held a treasure that would only prove to become more and more valuable with every passing second.

I remember clearly Josh and I changing Kaleb's diaper for the first time in the hospital. We seemed like giants hovering over a fragile eggshell. At 5 lbs. 12 oz. and 19 inches long, he was so delicate and so perfect. The nurses came through and asked Josh to bring him into the hallway so the attendees of the current childbirth class could see a perfect newborn. He really was a little doll.

Over the years, I have watched Kaleb grow from an infant to a toddler to a preschooler to a little boy. Through it all, he has amazed me, challenged me and made me realize that motherhood is much, much more than dirty diapers and lullabies and milestones. Kaleb is sensitive and perceptive, acutely tuned in to his environment and the emotions of those around him. He is hard-headed and determined and has not nor will ever be a simple "yes ma'am" kind of guy, a trait that will serve him well as he gets older but doesn't sit well with adults in the present time. He is nurturing and kind, loves to snuggle and hates having to sleep alone. He loves his animals and will gladly feed and pet them, but would prefer someone else do the hard work. He holds his friends in high regard and would prefer a few close allies over a team of casual acquaintances (a trait I believe I know something about . . . ). He likes to lead the games and tends to not want to serve as the follower for too long, though I admire him for repressing long enough to give someone else a turn. He is imaginative and creative and astounds me with his thoughts on everything. He feels deeply and takes people very literally so heartaches are plenty. I feel the mother bear in me take hold very frequently with him and I really have to hold back when he gets hurt.

Kaleb is like the seasoned kid in our house. I look at him as the general commander of the little ones - constantly guiding Myles and Norah as if he is the Pied Piper. While he and Myles especially have a very love/hate relationship, I know that Myles and Norah adore him because they attempt to emulate all of his maneuvers and gladly join in to whatever fantasy world Kaleb engages in.

I love my Kaleb. I see so much of me in him - so stubborn, so emotional, so loyal. I am so grateful for the blessing of his healthy and happy life these past 8 years and for God choosing me to be his mother. I love you special K.

What fun, Norah is One!

Today is our little princess's very first birthday. We had a rocky start with a doctor's visit that entailed 5 shots AND a finger prick, but once we got through that I do believe Norah has had a great day. She got lots of goodies, including a tea set, a dollhouse and an outdoor swing (all pink I might add). She also got her first taste at cake with some yummy cupcakes. We are to celebrate again this weekend. Norah doesn't quite understand all the fuss, but she looked so beautiful in her dress today. I have to admit, it sure is great to dress up a little girl!

Backtrack to August 27, 2007 (Kaleb's 6th birthday). I had been having three days of late night heart palpitations, sweating and nausea. I thought I was having heart complications so I went to our family doctor, but under my breath I asked the nurse to do a pregnancy test, just in case. When the results came back positive I bawled. The nurse must have thought I was crazy. I was so terrified and not in all the "I'm a first parent" ways. I just wasn't prepared and when you are a planner, surprises are a bit difficult to absorb at first. I worried about each child not having his/her own bedroom in our three bedroom home. I worried about not being able to give each child the quality time that he/she deserved. I worried about college funds. I worried about the fact that I had sold all baby clothes, equipment and maternity clothes and would have to start fresh. I worried about the interview I had just accepted for a part-time position that might eventually work into full-time. I worried about the panic attacks that were already bad enough when I had to leave two children to work and could only be more brutal when I added a third. I worried about morning sickness which got me good with my second and could only intensify. I worried about having the strength to endure a third natural childbirth. I worried about how I was going to do it all, but most of all I worried that if I had been blessed with two healthy children already, what if my third was not? What if I had already received more than my fair lot in life?

We found out it was to be a girl at my 18 week ultrasound. Josh and I both expected a boy. I even wore blue I was so sure of the outcome. I made three different doctors come in and give their opinion. They even blew up the picture of her private area and wrote "it's a girl" on the sonogram I was so sure they would be wrong. We both had tears as we looked at one another incredulously. Who would have thought we would add a girl to our wild and rowdy mix? I continued to be worried about her health so we did every in-utero test out there to test for any possible defects. She was perfect and when I held her in my arms at 12:17 a.m. on April 20, 2008 for the very first time, I finally knew that not only did I really, truly have a little girl, but that God could not have molded us a more perfect and wonderful angel (other than the two he had already blessed us with, of course).

I have learned so much from Norah, from how God works in mysterious ways to just trusting in His plan and letting go of my own control issues. Norah is such a blessing. She is sugar and spice and everything nice, but heavy on the spice. She does not like to be ignored and when her brothers get too loud, she will not hesitate to pull hair and scream to get them to back off. She dances when she hears music and holds her hand out to you as if you are to kiss it, which of course we do. She loves to be held, but demands her space when needed (gets that from me I'm sure). She gives sweet baby kisses and crinkles her nose. She is very cautious around strangers. Take for example this past weekend when we got her pictures made. She was not having any of the photographers moronic methods to get her to laugh. Really, strangers shoving rubber ducks and talking in high-pitched, inhuman voices is not a laughing matter so who can blame her for trying to get away from them as quickly as possible.

I adore my little girl. I have a wedding dress packed away should she one day (in the very far off future, after she acquires her doctorate) be into vintage. I savor her kisses and dimples and the way her brothers dote on her every "first". I love seeing her daddy tear up over sad country songs about fathers and daughters. I love shopping for dresses for her to wear. I even love her middle of the night needs because I get her all to myself. I love that I value myself more now than ever because I realize how Norah will look to me for guidance in her life (until the teenage years when I fear I will become her mortal enemy . . . ).

Happy Birthday to our sweet and sassy angel. Norah, you have no idea how truly special you are. Our family is perfectly complete.

Education Woes: Part One

I am constantly up in arms over the educational system. I feel like teachers are underpaid and underappreciated without doubt, but I also feel some of them are just not the compassionate leaders I would expect they should be. Case in point, I noticed that Kaleb had been coming home and running to the restroom the minute he got in the door. I joked that he was acting as if he hadn't used the restroom all day and he said he doesn't anymore because some boys had dripped on the lid and his teacher was fussing at all of the boys about it. So, to avoid "being involved in that mess" he has been holding it all day. Of course I relayed this concern to his teacher who said she had gotten on to the boys because of "repeated offenses", but she would make sure Kaleb knew he could use the restroom. What boy, or man for that matter, doesn't miss the mark from time to time??? Get a piece of tissue and deal with it.

I often fantasize about home-schooling. My kids are very hands on and active and I don't feel like sitting at a desk doing worksheets is to their advantage. We go on nature walks often and they are so interested in the whats, hows and whys of all the elements. Myles didn't attend preschool this year and to be honest, I believe it was to his advantage. Still, since I'd have to continue at least a part-time outside job, I don't think pulling together lesson plans would be feasible for me. I'm beginning to see that I have limitations. I know, it's a shocker for everyone around me too it seems!

It's hard not to be able to pick your teachers each year. I feel like students thrive with complimentary personality types. I can remember having teachers I didn't care for and I wonder if my own parents felt the same emotional aches for me that I now feel for my children. As a parent now, I cringe when I hear things like Kaleb not using the restroom or his teacher joking about the way he pronounces words. I feel like these things can impact his self-esteem and even his own outlook on education. I remember being in the second grade and being sent to the Principal's office for not putting my bag on the hook quickly enough. Mind you, I was patiently allowing everyone else to put their stuff down instead of cutting in line . . . Sometimes adults just don't see things through a little person's eyes.

All We Need is Love

1 Corinthians 13:
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres . . . . 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. . . . 13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

I love romance, but to me love is not expressed by buying frivolous items (especially when one can not afford such attrocities). Our materialistic society has made yet another holiday which has people declaring their adoration in mass droves with flowers, cards, candy, jewelry and the like. It seems so trite to expect our significant others to bestow gifts on a holiday largely created by business owners looking to cash in on our insecurities.

I don't mind giving the kids a box of chocolates and saying an exra "I Love You" to my husband, which you can never hear too often, but why is it that people, specifically men, think women want a bunch of random gifts, none of which are actually from the heart. They go with an ideal that has been set in their minds by the masses - that love must be purchased. So, maybe I'm one of the few women that actually says what I mean and means what I say, but when I say, I don't want anything on this commercialized holiday, I really don't want anything.

If you want to prove your love for someone, give them the precious gift of your time. Acts of service, telling someone how much you care for them (in your own words and not some generic Hallmark card) - none of which cost a dime but show that in your taking the time to truly appreciate someone you are giving them the best gift of all.

Don't get me wrong, I think flowers and chocolate are great, but not on this set day when everyone proclaims their undying love for one another. It's as if we've subscribed to some cult where no one wants to be outdone so they naively flounder for whatever trinket they can get their hands on. What we should be doing is loving one another EVERY day, not just taking one day out of the year to go overboard. Romance is like exercise - you have to take time for it every day. Just because you miss a day here and there doesn't mean putting in an extra hour on one particular day is going to make up for the neglected time.

All we truly need is love, but the kinds that comes from the heart, not from our wallets.

Resolutions - Better Late than Never!

I'm VERY late on posting New Year's Resolutions, but I think it's important to do a little trial run and see if your goals are attainable or need to be readjusted before an actual committment is made. Here is a list I think I can manage:
1) More "me" time. I'll always put my kids' needs ahead of mine, but I want them to see that mommy has needs too. Like a bubble bath alone every now and then to shave my legs, a meal sitting down without jumping up to get someone more juice or more crackers, the occasional rights to the TV remote, writing and of course, reading adult literature.
2) Take better care of myself. Exercise on a more consistent basis. At first I thought I'd say 5 times a week, but honestly, I know there would be many weeks where that just didn't happen so if I get 3 days in a week that's better than nothing. Eat healthier and drink more water. I get dehydrated really easily yet I can go an entire day drinking little more than a cup of water.
3) Schedule quality time with each member of the family. Norah gets most of my time, I'll admit it. She's just at that age where she is into everything and only when she is taking a nap can I let my guard down. When she is taking those naps though, I intend to give the boys my undivided attention. If that means playing the Wii with Kaleb or pretending to be the pink Power Ranger for Myles, so be it. I'd also like to have a "date night" at least once a month with Josh even if all we do is watch a grown-up movie or play a board game together.
4) Don't get too involved. I have a tendency to take on the issues of everyone around me which is very stressful. I'm learning to just step back and remember that I can't fix everything. So far, this has resulted in me being much quieter than usual and I really have been calmer as a result.
5) Coupons. I'm cutting them, matching ads, trying to go for the best deals. I'm not a pro at it but I am seeing a difference of $15 or so on my grocery shopping. Hopefully with the money we save we can actually afford a vacation this year!
6) Faith. I am always working on this one. I want to take more time to read the bible, make church a priority and integrate God in our daily conversations and activities.

I could probably go on, but this is a list I know I can fulfill with a little dedication and time management. Hopefully by writing them for all to see, I will be that much more committed to it.

Happy Birthday Myles!

On this day four years ago, we were blessed with the birth of our second child and baby boy, Myles. It was a very special day, especially as Josh's grandfather passed barely one hour before Myles made his entry into the world thus perfectly illustrating the circle of life. We have had a wonderful several days celebrating - at our house birthdays turn into more of a week-long event with the different sets of grandparents and work schedules. Sunday we had the "fake birthday" as Kaleb has so eloquently dubbed it which consisted of a trip to Chuck E. Cheese's for lunch and games. After that we headed over to Nana's house for cake, ice cream and PRESENTS! You wouldn't think there would be a single toy left he would want after Christmas, but he scored big time yet again. The biggest hit has been the Imaginext Firehouse. Today is Myles' actual birthday and he went for a birthday haircut and a free-for-all through the grocery store where I'm happy to report he picked out apples, grapes and strawberries so we could make a fruit salad! Nana rented him some batman movies to watch this week and when Daddy got home, they got to eat cake (again) and play on the Wii Fit (which was a big deal, since Mommy has been hogging it since she got it last week). He also received several electronic e-mails and even a phone call from Geoffrey at Toys R Us. Daddy also special ordered Mr. Freeze for his batcave which has excited him to no end. He'll have another party this weekend when Grandma and Grandpa visit.

Myles is my exuberant child - ready to crash and bash his way through the day from sun-up until sun-down. He is physically active to the point of my own sheer exhaustion. He likes to push buttons, especially those of his older brother. When he was 8 months old, he discovered a way to get past the protective guard on the stairs and fell several feet, he got stitches when he was 3 years old as a result of jumping on the couch and not a day goes by when he doesn't get at least one "boo-boo". In fact, he was spinning round and round in the kitchen right before I left for work and fell backwards on his head. My heart use to stop several times a day from his antics, but I've learned to hold my breath and let him test his limits in designated spaces and hold his hand tightly in unsecure ones (i.e. parking lots where he tries to run freely). With all that said, he is also my snuggle bug, eager to hug me when he beats me (repeatedly) at Wii tennis or boxing, tell me how pretty I look or smell when I'm getting ready, help me carry groceries in or make his bed without complaint (though it often looks worse after he makes it than it did before) and share his toys with friends or his siblings (he even gave some of his birthday presents to Kaleb!). When I'm doing a hundred things during the day, he reminds me to take time for him and just sit beside him. I am so grateful for Myles - he truly lives in the moment and delights in the simple things like making loud noises and mud pies, climbing trees and jumping here, there and everywhere. He loves good stories, likes to eat constantly and hates clothing. In fact, more often than not he stays in his pajamas, even when he's out in public! He sleeps deeply and peacefully and dreams big. I adore him so much that when it turned out he couldn't go to preschool this year, I was thrilled because I wanted him all to myself for one more year.

Happy Birthday my Myles. How I love you monkey 2.